Jacked Up

I've realized just how much of a blessing it is to have lost people in my life. It means opportunities to see God move, to make an impact. Looking back I'm starting to realize that God doesn't just place them in my life for their good and betterment, but more for mine. I thank God for these friendships even on the worst days because God has used them to teach me so many things. He's used them to show Himself to me in ways I never understood before, to show me just how much I am still in need of God's grace at every moment. God doesn't put these people in our lives so that we can feel important because He is using us. He puts them in our lives to break us, to humble us, to draw us closer to Him and through that shine His light to others. 


It's easy to stay in the Christian bubble and look at how well your doing. The fact is its easy to look to Christ in the good, in the comfortable, and predictable situations. It's another thing to step out with someone who's on a totally different page than you and is carrying a ton of baggage and deal with that in a way that glorifies Him. Loving lost people is messy and its never easy. It hurts. A lot. You see them do the same things that hurt themselves over and over again. You see them take two steps forward and ten steps back. You struggle with the question of how you are representing Christ to them in your words, actions, and even your thoughts. But you grow dependent on the Holy Spirit to give you the go or the hold up on touchy subjects. You take risking the entire relationship and all that you've put into it by having one bold conversation that God is telling you to have. A journey of reaching the lost is a journey of pure faith.


But here's the thing I'm learning more and more: The results, the life-change is not my responsibility. I can't heal people, I can't fix broken relationships, and I can't change hearts. All I can do is share with them who can and trust that God is going to continue to relentlessly pursue them. I'm learning that I'm just as jacked up as anyone else and I am just as much in need of God's grace as the lost people around me. It's not an easy task. God never called us to take the easy road out. He called us to die, everyday, to our desires, to our expectations, to our controlling attitudes. I'm realizing that reaching out to others is also about God reaching out to me.