Not One Left Behind

I have learned that my expectations are too small, even insulting to God, if I may say myself. God blew my mind at the 1st Annual Orphan Care Coffee House this past Thursday. This event was a fundraising coffee house to raise money for Canaan Christian Community and the Clopton Family who is adopting a child from Ghana. It was also a major push to bring about awareness of the orphan problem worldwide and to provide opportunities to get involved.

 I was put in charge of running the Canaan section for the night, which I was more than happy to take on! I love talking about what God is doing there! But more particular that night I was given the opportunity to step out in faith with a vision that God had given me; to love on the kids of Canaan and provide Christ-like examples and relationships to them, even if from a distance. After about two months in prayer and working out logistical issues, it was game time.

I had all 40 of the older kid's pictures and 40 commitment cards in hope that people would commit to pray and connect with a child at Canaan. I'm not going to lie, I had no clue what the out turn was going to be. I was scared that not even one child would get picked. But that quickly got disproved. As the night went on, more and more people made decisions to commit to a child. I saw the number of pictures on the table get smaller and smaller by the hour. 

It was 11pm, the closing time of the coffee house, and I still had 8 Canaan kids left. I started panicking and praying, "Lord, don't let one child be left! These are Your precious and chosen children!" As people left, four of the eight had people commit to them. We started breaking down and packing up, but for some reason I could not put those 4 pictures that we're left away. And as always God kept telling me, "trust me". I can't even begin to tell you how many times I debated it in my head, "Let's call it a night..", "No! None of them is being left!", and back and forth, back and forth.

By around 11:15pm all but one was left. I turned around to grab the rest of my stuff to call it a night and sure enough God provided. A girl came running over, "Are there still any Canaan children left!? I want to pray for and write to one!" I honestly had to hold back tears, but I definitely didn't hold back my excitement. Good thing that didn't scare her off!

So here I am, Sunday night, reflecting on God's awesome and unexplainable faithfulness. His ability to see us through in any and every aspect of our lives is truly amazing. My memory verse this week, was right on point for this occasion (of course, God always works it out like that!). Psalm 37:5 says "Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will act." 

And boy did He act!

Kid's pictures

Getting to talk about what God is doing at Canaan!

A Faithful God

It was a FAITHFUL God who didn't give up on a FAITHLESS Adam and Eve even after they disobeyed Him and rebelled against Him. 

It was a FAITHFUL God who found a faithful man named Noah when the entire human race was FAITHLESS and turned away from Him, but He chose to preserve humanity because He loved humanity and was a FAITHFUL God. 

It was a FAITHFUL God who found a FAITHLESS man named Abraham and chose and called him and out of him brought about a nation that outnumbered the starts.

It was a FAITHFUL God who raised up a  man named Joseph and allowed him to be betrayed by his brothers, thrown into prison so that he could eventually be brought out of prison and preserve the nation of Israel and Egypt in a time of famine.

It was a FAITHFUL God who found a man named Moses to bring His people out of cruel Egyptian bondage and slavery. 

It was a FAITHFUL God who raised up a new leader named Joshua when the FAITHLESS generation refused to enter the promised land and died off in the wilderness and FAITHFULLY brought them into a land called Canaan. 

It was a FAITHFUL God who raised up judges to deliver the people of Israel through the centuries as they sinned against Him and did what was right in their own eyes but FAITHFULLY when they cried to Him, He heard them and delivered them.

It was a FAITHFUL God who raised up a faithful shepherd boy named David who nobody else was even considering was next in line for the kingship to replace a FAITHLESS king named Saul to lead His FAITHLESS people of Israel into the FAITHFUL promises of God.

It was a FAITHFUL God who out of that lineage of King David brought the FAITHFUL One, Jesus Christ, to rescues His people from their sins.

It was a FAITHFUL God who reached down in compassion and love exactly one year ago today and saved me from myself.

It was a FAITHFUL God who took my broken life, broken heart, and broken dream and brought about peace, hope, and joy.

It was a FAITHFUL God who two days later sovereignly placed me at the church with a faithful pastor who told me that God wasn't done with me yet and that He could and would do immeasurably more than I could ask or imagine.

It was a FAITHFUL God who used my FAITHLESS past to speak Truth into peoples lives, bring encouragement in times of despair, and the message of hope and redemption in Christ.

It was a FAITHFUL God who led me to leave my dream school, who FAITHFULLY led me away from that idol and into His plan of so much more.

It was a FAITHFUL God who led me to seminary to show me that I was not at all normal and that He had called me and grown me in such a unique way.

It was a FAITHFUL God who stood by my side in times of stripping and suffering and who is FAITHFULLY seeing me through in the process of sanctification.

It was a FAITHFUL God who not only calls me a daughter, but allows me to participate in advancing His Kingdom and making Jesus known.

It was a FAITHFUL God who led me to Haiti a little more than a month ago and through that is continually laying out the strategy of achieving His plan and purposes for my life.

It is a FAITHFUL God who stands by me day in and day out.

 A FAITHFUL God who loves me in my mess. 

A FAITHFUL God who comforts me in my sorrow. 

A FAITHFUL God who forgives my mistakes. 

A FAITHFUL God who calls me to something bigger. 

A FAITHFUL God who continues to blow my mind with His grace and mercy. 

A FAITHFUL God who I put all my hope and trust in. 

A FAITHFUL God I will follow, even if it leads to the cross. 

He is FAITHFUL. 

He has always seen me through. He is my rock, my life, my everything.

One year has blown my mind. God keeps saying "You think that was crazy, you just wait."

Buckle up and hold on tight because here comes round two.

Reflections from Haiti

Everything looks the same, yet none of it actually is the same anymore. I walk the sidewalks of campus and I see the same landscape as always, yet in my mind I see the dirt and ruble of the streets of Haiti. I see kids riding their bikes around campus, yet in my mind I see the kids of Canaan playing with a dilapidated soccer ball. It has been almost a month since returning from Haiti and I still cannot say that I have fully processed it. I question if I will ever fully process what God did in my heart and life that week. While I know that God still has much to do in my heart from Haiti, I do know that in just these short weeks He has shown me and grown me more than I could have ever expected. Before leaving, I knew that God was going to use this trip as a growing point in my life, but I could have never imagined something to this extent. I never imaged He would do something so great in my heart that it continues to stay with me day by day and even moment by moment.

God first and foremost grew my ability to love in a way I never even thought possible. I absolutely fell in love with each and every child of Canaan. While I thought it would be us coming to show these kids what love is, it ended up being these kids showing me what love is. Their ability to love complete strangers continues to remind me to this day of the kind of love Jesus showed to people in the Bible. As each day passed my love for them grew more and more by each second. I cannot remember loving anyone like I love these kids. I honestly want to say that my love for them is as close to unconditional as our human condition allows. There was no judgment in this love, no selfish motives, no jealously or pride, just pure overflowing love. Coming back to the States opened my eyes to see how blessed these kids are to know and have that kind of love. I realized that our society is incredibly rampant with prejudice love. This realization continues to challenge me to “love like I loved in Haiti.”

This leads me into one of the biggest things God taught me and continues to remind me of everyday. I struggled so much during the week, feeling like I didn’t even have enough love to give. I wanted to love them so much more, for the rest of my entire life. Yet, I felt like I didn’t have any more love to possibly give. This is when God brought me to such a greater understanding of Himself. I was right; I couldn’t love them to the fullest, because only God can love them to the fullest. I struggled with leaving these kids in so much need, yet God kept telling me, “I am the only One who can provide for them in every need.” I struggled with letting them go, leaving them, yet God kept reminding me, “you may leave them, but I never will.” In every aspect that I leave deficient, God completes. While it is our job to be light to this world and to show Christ through our lives, it is God who will complete all things and who will fully fulfill every one of our lives.

God taught me so many lessons about life while in Haiti. The one that hit the hardest hit the second day we got home in the oddest way. While washing dishes, the baby seal on the Dawn dish soap bottle caught my eye like never before. In that moment God unleashed a whole dissertation through a baby seal and some dish soap. I realized how careless and apathetic we, especially in American society, are for other humans. We are willing to throw millions of dollars to help baby seals and wildlife while so many people are dying of starvation and preventable diseases all over the world. Our pets in America eat better than about half of the world’s human beings. Don’t get me wrong, I love animals and think that we should be good stewards of creation and what God has provided. But I must say that our priorities are insanely out of balance. In Genesis chapters one and five we see that we, as human beings, are made in the “image” and “likeness” of God! What kind of extraordinary value does that place on us?! Shouldn’t that push us to risk it all for the sake of others? Shouldn’t it challenge us to put our efforts and blessings into helping our brothers and sisters across the world? This single dish soap dissertation has changed my entire outlook on life. It has challenged and provoked me to pour out every ounce of my life for the sake of God’s people, just as Christ did for us.

God continues to use my experiences in Haiti to teach me so much every day. Just recently, He has been continuing to show me the power of the Body, joined as nations, unified in prayer and worship of our Savior. I got news a few weeks ago about a little baby boy, Chevy, that stole my heart in Haiti. He was fighting for his life and the people of Canaan were in an urgent rush to get him help, as we all know is twice as hard to do in Haiti. My heart broke, and my urgency to help little Chevy was in overdrive. I had no clue what to do; my heart was in Haiti, yet I was in America. The only thing I could think to do was pray. I left my dorm room on a mission, to gather any and everyone to pray for this baby. That night was only the start of a huge lesson of God’s power to move and unify the nations. During the past two weeks of following update by update, I have seen hundreds, literally hundreds, here at Southeastern, my friends from all over, and people I barely even know stand together in prayer for baby Chevy and the people of Canaan. I can’t remember any other time I have seen more prayer meetings go down, any other time I have seen broke college kids pull together and give generously for the sake of someone they didn’t even know, or any other time I have seen the urgency and unity of the Body from all over stand together asking God for the impossible. It has absolutely blown my mind and continues to this very second. What a mighty God we have. A God that is not bound my borders, languages, or cultures; a God that unites all under Him.

There is so much that I could go on to say, so many things God continues to teach me. I am so grateful for the opportunity to have gone on this trip, to see a team so unified for the sake of outpouring Christ’s love on a community, to see how incredibly spiritually rich these people with so little are, and to see the nations come together as one. I can only imagine what God has in store for me next as a result of what happened in Haiti. Lord willing, I will soon return to retain my heart that was left in Haiti from the start, even though it will probably end up staying there again.

Haiti Journal: Return to the States

Oct.10, 2010

The first day back in America. Everything seems the same, yet none of it’s the same anymore. Seeing what we have in light of what so many don’t. it is really challenging me to be a better steward of what God has given me. Simple things like clean water in a matter of seconds, where as in Haiti it would take hours to fill one bucket through a drip filtration system, and only less than 1% of the population even have that. Things like paved roads and transportation, where as in Haiti the majority of people have to walk miles and hours on end up and down mountains, most having no shoes, just to get water that isn’t even clean. I’ve been struggling, I really have. How can I come back to show much when so many have so little? I want to go back so bad, right now. But God has been speaking and I know I will go back, when and for how long I have no clue, but I do know that right now I am here, back in America. So what am I going to do with what God has taught me and allowed me to experience? How will my life change? How can I use every single thing from this week for His glory in the states? Being grateful first and foremost, being a better steward obviously. But how can I live my life in a way that reflects what I have learned and more importantly reflects the story God wrote in my life this week? I haven’t felt like talking much to anyone. Should I? Or should I just start living my life in a way that speaks for itself? I walk outside and everything seems the same, yet in mind all I see are the dirt and ruble. I pass some kids riding their bikes, yet in my mind I see my kids back in Haiti playing with rocks or trash. The simplicity, the contentment of those with so little. How can I bring that glimpse of heaven God showed me in Haiti here?

Polo playing in the rocks.

Home truly is where the heart is

and I definitely left mine in Haiti.